pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize