I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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