"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
