Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
