i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
