totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
