You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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