At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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