One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
