He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Houston, we have a blender
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
