Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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