I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
