I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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