hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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