found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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