The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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