So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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