I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
