Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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