Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
