he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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