Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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