So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
