You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
