I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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