so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
vagina is talking i cant
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
