the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
