Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
