you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
