hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
