Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
