I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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