It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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