Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
