I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
