I hate your face
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
