Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
