Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I will be naked everywhere
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
