just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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