you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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