i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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