Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
