You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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