you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
