At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
