I hate your face
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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