I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize