So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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