Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
