OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
