While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
