I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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