Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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