now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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