im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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