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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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