She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
