Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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