We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
