Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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