Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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