Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
