Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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