We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
