The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
