Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
