I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize